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IN MY HAND I HOLD A BALL,
WHITE AND DIMPLED, RATHER SMALL.
OH, HOW BLAND IT DOES APPEAR,
THIS HARMLESS LOOKING
LITTLE SPHERE.
BY IT'S SIZE I COULD NOT GUESS,
THE AWESOME STRENGTH IT DOES POSSESS.
BUT SINCE I FELL BENEATH
ITS SPELL,
I'VE WANDERED THROUGH THE FIRES OF HELL.
MY LIFE HAS NOT BEEN QUITE THE SAME,
SINCE I CHOSE TO
PLAY THIS GAME.
IT RULES MY MIND FOR HOURS ON END,
A FORTUNE IT HAS MADE ME SPEND.
IT HAS MADE ME CURSE AND
CRY,
I HATE MYSELF AND WANT TO DIE.
IT PROMISES A THING CALLED PAR,
IF I CAN HIT IT STRAIGHT AND FAR.
TO
MASTER SUCH A TINY BALL,
SHOULD NOT BE VERY HARD AT ALL.
BUT MY DESIRES THE BALL REFUSES,
AND DOES EXACTLY AS
IT CHOOSES.
IT HOOKS AND SLICES, DRIBBLES AND DIES,
OR DISAPPEARS BEFORE MY EYES.
OFTEN IT WILL HAVE A WHIM,
TO HIT A TREE OR TAKE A SWIM.
WITH MILES OF GRASS ON WHICH TO LAND,
IT FINDS A TINY PATCH OF SAND.
THEN
HAS ME OFFERING UP MY SOUL,
IF ONLY IT WOULD FIND THE HOLE.
IT'S MADE ME WHIMPER LIKE A PUP,
AND SWEAR THAT
I WILL GIVE IT UP.
AND TAKE TO DRINK TO EASE MY SORROW,
BUT THE BALL KNOWS,
I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW.
FEMALE GOLFING TERMS
CADDY-- 2 women talking about a
3rd who isn't there to defend herself.
CHIPPING -- Time to get our nails done again.
DOUBLE BOGIE -- "Casablanca"
followed by "African Queen."
FAIRWAY -- Splitting the bill when the girls go to lunch.
GOOD LIE -- Weight on
our driver's license.
GREENS -- Lunch we eat when we'd really love a cheeseburger.
HOLE-IN-ONE -- Time to get
new pantyhose.
IRON -- What guys need to learn to do their own shirts.
ROUGH -- Getting a guy to understand,
well, pretty much anything.
SHAFT -- You watch the kids while he gets to go golfing.
SLICE -- "No thanks. .
.just a sliver."
TEES -- Putting on that Victoria Secret Negligee.
WATER HAZARD -- Giving the kids too much
to drink before a road trip.
WEDGE -- Bathing suit that's too tight
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